The Perfect Gift

Christmas time is here! The time for egg nog, twinkle lights and Mirah Carey's Christmas C.D.! But unfortunately it's also the time for bad fruit cake, disturbing family gatherings and sweaters that you wouldn't be caught dead in. I, like many others have been the victim of bad gift givers. So this year, in preparation I decided to think of the worst possible gifts that I could be given and list them here. Hopefully this will avoid any awkward pauses after the opening of gifts from people that are SUPPOSED TO KNOW ME.

A membership to a dating service
(You would be responsible for making me into one of the sad people.)

A membership to a gym
(I could lie and say I would use it, but I don't even have the energy to do that. So let's just say you would be wasting your money.)

A journal or diary
(I have about ten of them sitting on my shelf. All of them have an average of 3 and a half pages written in them.)

A photo album
(I have pictures in boxes. On top of the boxes sit 5 empty photo albums. That is where they have been since the day they were given to me. Seriously who has time to put pictures in albums?)

And last but NOT least...

A purse lamp
(Yes, they DO make these. Lucky for me, I already own TWO of them!)


Not that I'm EXPECTING gifts from anyone, and Lord knows I'm having to cut back on gift giving this year myself. I just thought this might be helpful to those of you who REALLY love me. LOL

P.S. Don't worry...I'm workin' on some pineapple stuff. I've been doing some extensive research lately. A special Holiday fruit salad blog is on it's way.