Okay..okay…

I won’t leave you hanging any longer. I promised more, and here it is. Why you all enjoy this madness so much, I shall never understand, but I’m thankful that someone is listening to me. Ya know I think there is a fine line between madness and genius. Let me know when I cross it. LOL

Pineapple fever is sweeping the nation! It seems everywhere I turn these days I’m running into a pineapple. NOT the kind that I talk about here on this site, mind you…..no unfortunately I haven’t been that lucky. However, pineapples…the actual fruit seem to be becoming very popular. There’s a commercial running currently on network TV for chase bank credit cards. The commercial sports a slogan of “Enjoy your everyday purchases!”, while showing a picture of a woman dancing. Yes dancing. With a pineapple held to her face as if she is in love with it! Just the other day I attended a religious convention at which there were numerous vendors trying to sell me Jesus IN a bottle or ON a bottle or something else equally as ridiculous. But that’s another subject. There hanging in one of the booths was a tee-shirt citing part of a scripture…”The fruit of the spirit is LOVE!” Next to it, guess what fruit they choose to depict LOVE? Yep…a PINEAPPLE! Those are just a few examples, and I have no doubt you’ve seen them too. The evidence is out there people! Yes…pineapple fever is sweeping the nation…and soon…THE WORLD!


More Shopping…

Home Depot, Lowes or basically any home improvement store is a great place to spy a few pineapples. Well..for us gals anyway. You boys should probably stick to the mall. However…ATTENTION ALL SINGLE WOMEN! These home improvement joints employ mostly males capable of heavy lifting, fixing things around the house, and they know how to use their hands! I have also found a great deal of them to be within my age bracket. The other women they work with are either butch or ugly. The female customers who come in are usually dressed in paint garb, have their hair in a ponytail, and smell like some sort of spackle, glue or epoxy. All you have to do is run a brush through your hair and slap on a little lipstick. You’ll be the best lookin thing they’ve seen all day! Sashay over and ask them to help you find a list of impossible items. That will give you at least half an hour to flirt. It also affords you the opportunity to do a little investigation to find out if he’s a ripe pineapple or has been setting on the shelf a while. Here’s another handy little tip. Get them to cut you a length of rope, chain or pipe. This usually takes a while, and you can ask stupid questions about how the big machine works.

Okay guys, here’s another place that we can BOTH find someone. The airport. From Casablanca to FRIENDS, airports have always been a popular backdrop for dramatic love scenes. Isn’t it a shame that we can no longer run out onto the tarmac after the one we love? Hey, I know they aren’t exactly the most realistic portrayals of LOVE. I don’t recall ever seeing someone proclaim their love for another while standing in line to board a plane, but the romantic in me CHOOSES to believe that it COULD happen. LOL There's just something about saying goodbye that makes you realize your true feelings for someone. But in real life.... there are thousands of people in the airport who have all gone through metal detectors and possibly been strip searched. You should feel relatively more safe than meeting someone on the street. Pilots in crisp uniforms are swarming all over the place. There is just something about a man in uniform. Can't really explain it. Of course they usually don't have time to chat. You may have a better shot at a flight attendant, especially if their serving your flight. Flirt a little and you just might score some extra peanuts! Usually it’s easier to strike up a conversation with someone who’s waiting to board the same plane as you. You already have something in common…your destination. From this springs all kinds of interesting and informative conversation. The person may be holding a book or magazine that would hint to his or her interests. There are just lots of opportunities for you to gather information to see if this is someone worthy of your time and effort, or if you should keep shopping. And if you find someone interesting you might arrange to sit next to them on the plane where you would have time to get to know eachother. Of course this CAN work in reverse. Be careful not to be too friendly until you know it's someone you could talk to, OR you could find yourself being a captive audience for their incredibly boring life story. Instead of finding love, you may find yourself praying for the plane to crash and end your misery.

The new thing is to meet people via the Internet. I have just one thought on this. SCARY.

The last place I want to talk about tonight are bookstores. I have a lot of friends who are avid readers, and this is the perfect mating ground for them. But with the popularity of places like Barnes and Noble these days, it’s acceptable for even occasional readers to hang out there. It’s a comfortable atmosphere, where you can browse for hours. Whether it is for books or pineapples! Let’s look at the pros of this location. Everyone there knows how to read, or can at least pretend too. Much like the music store that we discussed in an earlier blog, browsing in an area of your interest could be helpful in weeding out the NON-possibilities. However, if you find that NO one is browsing in your section, maybe you should find the most populated area of the bookstore and find something to read THERE! If the book thing is not working for ya, these places usually have some sort of watering hole. Find it, sit at a table in the middle of the room, and hold a brightly colored or eye catching book up as if you were reading it. Be careful not to cover your face. At least not entirely. If you have a zit or unsightly mole, position the book to hide it. Never cover your eyes. This allows you to be aware of any attractive passer- byers whom you might want to offer the empty seat at your table to. You may cover your eyes to try to deflect a NON-possibility who tries to make eye contact or walk over to your table. This is a polite hint that you're not interested, and usually works without fail. If they persist, maybe you should give them a chance. There is something to be said for perserverance. A wise man once said..."Pursuit is the Proof of Passion."

It’s been suggested that I should apply some of my theories for the sake of the blog. To that I say…YOU FIRST!