Pineapple Points

Yes...yes..it is the long awaited follow-up to the pineapple theory! I won't waste time with pleasantries, let's just get down to business.

I have come up with a point system that allows apples and other lesser fruits to acquire pineapple status and higher purchasing power. This is called the pineapple point system. Here are a few things that I've come up with that make an average person more attractive. These things have nothing to do with physical attraction, but also aren't personality traits, such as a good a sense of humor. Okay here we go.

An average height, slightly odd looking, husky man walks into Starbucks and makes eye contact with you. You smile politely and look away, but he's persistent and makes his way over to where you're standing. Just as you're praying, "God please let him have been looking at someone else! Please let him just walk PAST me!"...he stops just in front of you, extends his hand and says.."Hi, I'm John." Suddenly you're interest is sparked..Was that a hint of a foreign accent you heard, or is your mind playing tricks on you again, like last week when you thought your boss asked you to lunch, when in fact he just said.."I'm in a real crunch!" That was embarrassing. Of course this John character didn't have an accent. What were you thinking? Then he continues. "I was noticing you from across the room...blah..blah..blah...blah" That's all you hear, because the little voices that live inside you're head are all screaming! He DOES have an accent! You try to pin point what country, but you're brain has completely shut down at this point. You just stare into his eyes and watch as his lips form the word coffee. You giggle to yourself. Coffee..that's a funny word, but it never sounded so good. Somehow the guy you were praying would pass you by, is now the same guy you're now praying a very different prayer about. "God please let him ask me out!" You've always had a fantasy about being in a romance with someone from another country. He seems so fascinating. So charming.

'Cmon..admit it! Accents are HOT! Okay..maybe that was a little over the top, but really people..an odd looking person with an accent becomes an attractive possibility real fast. It works for girls just as well as guys. I've seen too many of my guy friends melt when I introduced them to my friend Candice from South Africa. Major Pineapple points!

Talents and abilities are immediate attractions. Girls and guys alike go ape for band members, athletic stars and even politicians. This could also be tied to power. Talents and abilities usually get you power and for some reason that's attractive too. I remember attending a talent show my freshmen year of high school. Four guys got up and sang,” In the still of the night", by Boys II Men. Chris no name sang the lead part. Short, pasty white and an Afro of blonde curls made this odd looking creature go virtually unnoticed in school society. Until his debut at the talent contest. The boy could sing. I still get chills just thinkin' about it. Every girl in that auditorium was dreaming about kissing Chris before he even finished the last note of the song. That night changed Chris' life. When he woke up and came to school the next day he started a whole new way of life, as Mr. Cool. Every girl wanted to date him, sit by him, talk to him, or even pass by him in the hall so you could get close enough to say "Hi Chris" leading everyone around you to the obvious conclusion... you knew him!

Why else would politicians be having multiple affairs, Wayne Newton be considered one of the sexiest men alive and someone with a name like "Pudge" be one of the most popular baseball players in the world? I rest my case.

This next one I have to give credit to Nathan for. It can go either way. The laugh. The first time you hear someone laugh you either think it's cute or you make a note to self. Don't make any more jokes in this person’s presence! It can be endearing or outright frightening. And what about those people who have multiple forms of laughter? Some are cute, some are even sexy..and then they do that braying thing where they sound kinda like a donkey being beaten to death with a squeaky toy. At that point you have to make a decision. Does the sexy laughter outweigh the repulsive laughter? If not..MOVE ON NOW! It only worsens with age.

Intelligence is always attractive, and likewise common interests are a strong selling point in the compatibility game. But, the pineapple points come into play when these two powers are combined! If someone has extensive knowledge in a subject or many subjects of your interest, your brain craves their company. It's a different form of attraction, but since your brain controls the other parts of your body you may find that one day someone will spout off some random fact straight out of the encyclopedia and you will suddenly get the urge to kiss them. It's an odd phenomenon... I admit, but nevertheless a force to be reckoned with.

There are a few more that I can think of, but I haven't gotten my thoughts together on them yet. MAYBE I'll blog about them at a later point. So..there ya go. What do ya think? As I have stated recently to a few friends..I have a quota of comments to make before I will update, so leave your thoughts or this blog may never get updated! Your comments let me know that you're interested and that you're reading me. If you're not, then I have NO reason to share my thoughts with cyber space.